Emo Batman
Bible Loophole
Everyone and their mother/brother/cousin/neighbor/whoever has weighed in on the Tiger Woods situation. Now it’s my turn.
I don’t agree with what Woods has done, but I think the media storm with this whole thing has gotten out of control. The only rule that was broken here was that this man was caught cheating on his wife, who is the mother of his children. Apparently, this kind of behavior is common in the world of pro athletes. There are people who can actually make a living supplying these guys with women in these situations. Some people blame the “gold-digging” women while others just chalk it up to the by-product of these guys’ super competitiveness. Whatever the reason is, it all boils down to one simple question: If you are a pro athlete capable of living this sort of life, why the heck would you ever consider getting married? That’s what this is all about isn’t it? This guy is married with kids so shame on him for going out and giving in to his darker impulses. He’s a liar and a cheat and he should be punished by the world jury for his transgressions…
Please! If he was a single guy who was doing all these same things no one would even think twice about it. Actors and musicians do this stuff all the time. They go to Vegas and pick up the same women and do whatever they please whenever they please and the public doesn’t scorn them. Instead of scorn, they actually run to the newsstand to pick up the newest copy of US Weekly to view the exclusive photos of the party animal out on the prowl. It is completely absurd how this has become such a big deal.
Say what you want about the controlled image that is Tiger Woods. Yeah he’s got the money and the endorsements and all the recognition in the world. So what? Does that change the fact that he is still a young guy with more confidence than anyone else on the planet? This stuff happens all the time. The reason the public claims that this behavior is abnormal is because it is abnormal…for us. Most men would give anything to be able to jet around the country on a whim to dine on premium booze and hand-picked ladies fighting for our attention. But not Tiger! He should have known better! He was wholesome guy that everyone loved! How could he?!?
The simplest solution to this whole mess is for Tiger to go back in time and never get married. That would solve all his problems. No one would be calling him a fraud or a phony. People would be saying “Wow. I can’t believe this guy can live the way he does and still kick everyone’s ass on the golf course!” Take a look at the life of Derek Jeter. No one seems to care that Jeter has managed to rack up quite a list of famous women that he’s been associated with. He is still beloved by all of his fans and, more importantly, all of his sponsors as well. I don’t see dozens of women selling themselves to the New York Post to tell a tale of how they hooked up with one of the most sought after bachelors on the planet. Nope. Jeter has the best of all worlds. He’s young and at the top of his game and he can do whatever he wants and not have to answer to anyone. Isn’t that what all athletes really want? Sure there are tales of those who are unable to balance all the fame and fortune and still remain athletically relevant, but too bad for them. They too should learn from the model that is this year’s Sports Illustrated “Sportsman of the Year.”
Live the life. Never get hitched. Answer to no one. It’s so simple, it’s genius!
Now before you condemn me as some marriage-hating weirdo, let me explain myself. I am a firm believer in the sanctity of marriage. I think that people should look to settle down with someone they love and raise a family and all that good stuff. I just don’t think that certain people are cut out for that life. It’s just not in their DNA. That doesn’t mean they shouldn’t try, it just means that if they choose the married life they need to put as much work into being faithful as they do into hitting a golf ball/jump-shot/homerun. If they can will themselves to be the best athlete in the whole world, they sure as hell can will themselves into not cheating on their spouses. It’s a matter of wanting to do the right thing, making a choice and sticking with it.
You can choose the life of a bachelor and your life could be an endless party with an even more endless parade of women at your disposal. Or you can choose to be a good husband and a good father and leave the life of a player behind you. But you can’t have both. That’s not fair. That’s the crime that Tiger has committed. I don’t want to hear about these women and their attempts to make themselves relevant in today’s tabloids. I want to hear Tiger man up and admit he screwed up. He screwed up the same way a million guys have before him. He pretended that a double life would be ok and that no one would be hurt by it. He lied to himself and he lied to his family. Simply put, he cheated. And as a pro athlete he knows better than most that is the ultimate sin.
-Stewy M.
Saw this on OMGPosters and thought it was pretty cool.
That is all.
“Fiction was invented the day Jonas arrived home and told his wife that he was three days late because he had been swallowed by a whale.” — Gabriel Garcia Marquez (via lickystickypickyme)
“The State Department says [Barack Obama, bowing to Japan’s Emperor] was just following protocol and showing respect to local customs. It’s the same reason he pulled the Canadian prime minister’s jersey over his head and punched him with the one hand.” —
JIMMY KIMMEL, Jimmy Kimmel Live
(via the New York Times)
Heh. Love a good hockey joke. :-)
(via inothernews)
Funny, eh?
Me: What’s up?
“Manager”: The program isn’t working. I pressed the button and the thing didn’t happen.
Me: Ok. Details would help. What is ”the thing” and how does it normally happen? Did anything change?
“Manager”: Yeah, there was a different thing that came up.
Me: Ok. What did “the different thing” say?
“Manager”: It said “something, something, something and I clicked ‘Yes.’”
Me: You didn’t read it?
“Manager”: No. What was it?
Me: How the hell would I know what it was? I wasn’t there. If you didn’t read the message you shouldn’t have clicked anything. Why would you do that?
“Manager”: I don’t know. Can you fix it?
Me: Sure. I’m on my way…
Seriously, this place is like “Groundhog Day” except I don’t get a chance to try to sleep with Andie Macdowell. Yesterday another one told me the exact same thing except he chose “blah, blah, blah” instead of “something, something, something.”
o_O
I stopped reading where it said the shark “left a deposit of chum in the water.”